I love ninja movies. Growing up I was a huge fan of stuff like Revenge of the Ninja and American Ninja, but this movie here has to be a joke. First I have to give you some background on this Ninja series of movies. There was Enter the Ninja, which features Sho Kosugi, the ultimate bad-ass ninja on the planet – if it’s a ninja movie and Sho Kosugi is not in it, then it’s not a ninja movie. Anyway, Enter the Ninja is about a white dude that travels to Japan and becomes a ninja, which is basically unheard of because ninjas are so secretive, I mean how do you find a ninja school? Did this guy just land in Japan and pick up the Yellow Pages and call around looking for a school? Did he know someone that was a ninja? So he becomes a ninja, but this pisses off the main ninja guy, none other than Sho Kosugi. He’s basically upset because he doesn’t think that ninjitsu should be taught to white people, especially white guys with mustaches. The white ninja ends up kicking some serious ass in the movie and the film itself is not that bad!
Revenge of the Ninja is a much better movie. The main star is Sho Kosugi who moves to good ol’ USA to get a better life for himself after a clan of ninjas killed his entire family (I can’t remember why, I’ll have to watch again). Some shit goes down in the US and he ends up having to fight a white ninja (not the same one from Enter the Ninja) and it’s pretty much one of the best ninja movies that came out back in the 80′s. The funny thing is though, in Enter the Ninja, Sho is a total asshole and he dies (sorry for the spoiler) by having his head cut off. So Enter and Revenge are no way related.
When you think of “badass”, who comes to mind? Seagal? Bruce Lee? How about Michael Dudikoff? Didn’t think so. However, Dudikoff was like a low budget version of Chuck Norris, if you will. Well in 1986, he was the main character in a film called Avenging Force, which is about a bunch of racist and rich white folk from the deep south (New Orleans to be exact), and their favorite pastime is hunting – wait for it – people!
In case you’re looking at the above movie poster and thinking “wait a second, I know that guy!”, well that means you recognize Dudikoff as the one, the only, American Ninja!
Candyman is a slasher movie from 1992. It’s an adaption from Clive Barker’s short story ‘The Forbidden’. Interestingly the story was switched from England to the hoods of Chicago.
The movie is starring a then semi-cute Virginia Madsen who plays Helen Lyle, a graduate student conducting research on urban legends (how common is that?). A local urban legend says if you pronounce ‘Candyman’ five times in front of a mirror, the ‘ghost’ of David Robitaille aka the Candyman would appear and try to kill you.
Robitaille was a Black man living in the 19th century. The son of a slave, he became a gifted painter.One day, a wealthy man asked for his services. He wanted a portrait of a his daughter, and guess what our friend David did: he got the girl pregnant. Daddy wasn’t too happy about this and hired a group of thugs to teach him a lesson. They caught him, cut off his hand and smeared honey over his body. Bees came and a painful death ensued. Yummy, isn’t it?
Helen becomes curious about the legend after a mysterious murder that took place in the projects. As she arrives in the hood, she’s greeted by the local wankstas who try to scare her. Could Candyman be behind this?
Obviously Helen isn’t very smart because one day at home as she goes like “Candyman Candyman, Candyman “… you know the rest. Candyman comes to “life” and wows to seduce/kill her.
Yes Candyman is a perv, you never know if he means to rape or kill the girl. The missing hand (covered by a hook) and bee-filled body gives him a distinctive style. But distinctive doesn’t necessarily equate with suave.
The rest of the flick is exactly what you can expect from a slasher movie: blood,decapitated dog heads,huge fires,etc… In the end, in an heroic act Helen saves a baby from a certain death but ends up losing her own life.
What I really enjoyed about Candyman was the gritty visual aspect. The grainy picture and shady environment gives the movie a very distinct vibe.Classic 90’s horror movie.
I have a lot of fond memories of the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise, as I was a youngin’ at the time, and horror movies were just as big a deal to me then as they are now. Part two of the series is a bit different from the previous installment. Jesse and his family have just moved into the neighborhood, on no other than Elm Street, in the exact same house as Nancy from part one. Jesse is a typical high school ‘pretty boy’ as his friend Grady calls him in the flick. He’s got a hot girlfriend, a car, and listens to 80′s music. Sounds good so far right? Well, after some restless sleep, he starts dreaming… (Read More…)
What happens when you mix deadly hooch, transients, psychotic transients and degradation of women? You get ‘Street Trash”. Before I start, I’m just going to say that all the characters names are forgetful, and will be referred to as “him” or “her” or that “bum”. So basically, Street Trash is a story that loosely, and I mean VERY loosely revolves around a community of hobos that live in the local scrapyard, and a bottle of hooch that was uncovered by a local liquor store owner that has some deadly properties… (Read More…)
A remake from the cult classic from 1972, this new version of The Last House on the Left is actually good! Can you believe it?
It starts off with some dude that’s getting transported by the cops, probably for killing someone (because later on you see he’s a complete psycho), but he manages to escape. Now him, his woman, brother, and son are on the run.
What I liked about this movie are the hot chicks in this thing. First we have the lead role of Mari whose face is ok but has a dope body and is an athlete (swimmer) so that’s enough to get me excited. Then there’s her slutty friend Paige who doesn’t hesitate to go into a motel room with this completely useless piece of a kid that I’ve ever seen. Here’s Paige:
So here we have yet another remake of a classic movie. I’m not surprised that Hollywood decided to rape this one though, because they’ve run out of ideas for anything new and original.
The first time I heard that they were remaking A Nightmare on Elm Street, I immediately asked myself who was going to play Freddy Kruger. You know who? This guy:
Garbage. Honestly, I watched the first 2 minutes of this movie and turned it off because I couldn’t be bothered with another film like this. Don’t get me wrong, I love zombie movies and Romero does them like no other but this is horrible.
The zombie genre can’t be replicated from the days of old like back in the 60′s when we were first introduced to Night Of the Living Dead. One thing that turns me off is the way it’s filmed today; horror movies are not going to look good with a crystal clear picture. Good God it made it look like they were on a movie set! It’s not supposed to, it’s supposed to make me feel like I’m there and I’m about to get my face ripped off by a dead person.
Anyway, I’m not wasting more time on this piece of shit movie, here’s the trailer, see for yourself.
Alright, so Evilspeak… it’s got Clint Howard, Ron Howards brother, and one of the ugliest mother fuckers on the planet, but that’s beside the point. Clint plays the role of Stanley Coopersmith, a student attending military school after his parents were killed in a car accident. Coopersmith isn’t like other students, he’s got a high IQ, is lousy at sports, and isn’t the most sociable character by any means. As a result, Coopersmith gets his ass kicked on a regular basis by a group of kids headed by this guy ‘Bubba’. So, the story goes like this.. (Read More…)
I love ninja movies. Growing up I was a huge fan of stuff like Revenge of the Ninja and American Ninja, but this movie here has to be a joke. First I have to give you some background on this Ninja series of movies. There was Enter the Ninja, which features Sho Kosugi, the ultimate bad-ass ninja on the planet – if it’s a ninja movie and Sho Kosugi is not in it, then it’s not a ninja movie. Anyway, Enter the Ninja is about a white dude that travels to Japan and becomes a ninja, which is basically unheard of because ninjas are so secretive, I mean how do you find a ninja school? Did this guy just land in Japan and pick up the Yellow Pages and call around looking for a school? Did he know someone that was a ninja? So he becomes a ninja, but this pisses off the main ninja guy, none other than Sho Kosugi. He’s basically upset because he doesn’t think that ninjitsu should be taught to white people, especially white guys with mustaches. The white ninja ends up kicking some serious ass in the movie and the film itself is not that bad!
