Super 8 fucking blows.  Maybe it’s because I’ve been drinking tonight so my judgement is cloudy but hey, I gave this shitfest a chance and it exploded all over the place, staining my walls and making my eyes vomit with this hot mess.  It’s like the seasons.

It starts off with a bunch of annoying kids at a funeral because their friend’s mom died or whatever so he’s all bummed out, then it cuts to a few months later right away, which makes me say “wtf, why even show this shit, just skip right to the 4 months later thing”.  Anyway, some shit goes down and a train de-rails, the kids scatter and freak out.  Train parts all over the place, train station destroyed – all because some idiot drove his pickup onto the track.  By the way, the effects in this scene were HORRIBLE.  I could see right away the train wasn’t even real, LOL.  I mean c’mon, at least make the fucking train real.  This way you would make the shit authentic and also employ people in this fucked up economy.  But noooooo “let’s use CGI and once again fuck the entire movie industry because we can save $5 by using this computer shit”. (Read More…)

So I was in the mood tonight to watch something different and I found this movie called “Trust” (like you didn’t know already, it’s in the fucking title). What’s this movie about? Well, I actually liked it because even though it’s a drama, it’s a current movie that has this girl that just turned 14 and she posts all the time online with her phone and her new laptop that daddy just bought her (thanks, Dad). We’re reminded of her chats early on and throughout the movie because the fucking shit pops up on the screen like a backdrop of teeny-bopper-talk, enough to make my head explode. No, really. My head actually exploded. Matter of fact, I just got back from the hospital after being there for about 10 minutes while the doctors re-attached my skull fragments by using an old school sewing machine. You had to see it, it was a nice machine from the 1930′s I think, it was Singer if I recall. Nonetheless, the procedure was much more entertaining than this movie. (Read More…)

So here we have The Incubus, a flick that takes place in a New England town (which is always the best for horror movies) and people are getting fucked up and murdered, which is always awesome. The movie doesn’t go into the history of why what’s happening is happening, all we know is people are being killed.

It starts off with a douchebag couple hanging out by a lake just chilling and the guy calls the girl a bitch for some reason then runs away. Hey, who’s the bitch here?!? Something happens (I won’t say what) and shit goes down. What’s cool about this movie is the music at the beginning, that’s what drew me in because to me that’s what makes or breaks a lot of movies. If you have good music and in this case, creepy music, then it will only help the movie. (Read More…)

Mortuary is an early 80′s slasher flick featuring none other than a young Bill Paxton. The story revolves around a cloaked killer who targets a select group of people, and impales them with a nifty embalming tool. At the start of the flick, the audience witnesses the death of a man by a swimming pool, killed with a blunt object. We find out later that this character was the father of one of the lead female characters (Christie). From then, we’re introduced to another main character, Greg, and his friend who I can’t remember. They break into a mortuary where the friend works to steal some shit. (Read More…)

So here we have a movie titled Nightwish from 1989. It features a bunch of no name actors, but it does feature Brian Thompson, the rugged looking bounty hunter from the x-files, and countless other films/tv shows. Basically, the plot of this movie is that a bunch of student head to a supposedly haunted mansion with their professor to research some reported ghostly phenomena and other weirdness. At the start of the film, you have students in a lab being subjected to isolation chambers where they have fucked up dreams and all that good stuff. Then shortly after that, they head to the mansion. (Read More…)

Island of the Damned is a pretty fucked up movie from the 70′s. The story revolves around a couple that visit an island where the husband had previously visited years ago. The big difference between his trip now and back in his hay day, is that the main center of town is deserted. After searching around town for a bit, they rest up at a restaurant, where they confront a young child, who quickly runs off after failing to communicate.  After the husband finds a phone, he hears a woman’s voice on the phone, but the woman is speaking German, so he can’t understand, but realizes she’s in distress. Things on the island are not as they seem apparently. A while later, an elderly man pops up out of nowhere, and is brutally bludgeoned to death by a disturbingly cheerful young teenage girl. After the wife of the couple witnesses this event, she freaks out and from hereon, the shit hits the fan. We’re introduced to new characters, an older gentleman who knows that something is wrong on the island confronts the couple, saying that the children on the island have gone mad. Of course, he gets brutally mauled to death after being led by one of the children who tells the man they know where his child is. (Read More…)

First of all, I’m sick of all the comic-book-to-movie bullshit that is going on all over the place in Hollywood nowadays.  Why did I decide to try and watch this then?  Hell, I don’t know, I guess it’s because it’s popular and looked like it had some cool action in it but after watching about 20 minutes I turned it off, LOL.  Yes, LOL.

The only cool thing I did see in these first 20 minutes was a cameo by James Franco who comes off as a total douchebag drug dealing club owner and gets blown up because of it.  Haahaha.

Apparently Seth Rogen is supposed to play the Green Hornet and be the superhero-du-jour but instead just came across as another actor trying to cash in on this comic book faze.  Kato?  Some guy named Jay Chou that I don’t think anyone has ever heard about. (Read More…)

“The People Under The Stairs” is a 1991 horror movie directed by Wes Craven. Pointdexter aka “Fool”, a young black teenager lives in a LA Ghetto and one day his whole family is evicted by their local slumlords, the Robesons.

Fool is warned by his grandfather that the Robesons are in fact brother and sister but live as a couple and keep tons of inbreds, talk about loco. However Leroy (Fool’s sister’s friend) has a great idea: he should rob the Robsesons’ house to revenge! The boy reluctantly agrees to assist him. Leroy first poses as a boy scout selling cookies and asks to use the bathroom, in vain. Then Spencer, an accomplice, pretends to be a government worker of some sort but is denied entry as well. Spencer doesn’t come back so Leroy and Fool decide to break in by force.

They discover a high-security environment with old fashioned furnitures. Fool ends up in the basement and realizes the rumors were actually true: the crazy “couple” keeps inbreds in the house, many of them are mutilated and reduced to being cannibalistic animals. The Robesons come back and shoot Leroy, killing him in the process. (Read More…)

So here we have this awesome early 1980′s movie about werewolves in London. Sounds bad, right? Absolutely not!

It starts with two guys that are best friends, back-packing through the English countryside with plans to head off to different parts of Europe later on. On a cold night rocking a full moon, they quickly take shelter in a Pub/Inn in a tiny village. As soon as they walk in, they realize that they’ve walked into either something weird or straight up trouble. The music stops, all the people in there are just staring at them like they’re some sort of freaks from another planet, but they sit down to drink some tea and hopefully get something to eat when they notice a pentagram on the wall with candles, etc. One of the guys is uncomfortable with the idea of asking everyone why the pentagram is on the wall, but his friend asks anyway, only to be greeted with pure silence and stares again. (Read More…)

I’m not into foreign films, once in a while something will catch my eye and look interesting enough to watch, but here’s this movie called Dead Snow that my friend told me about. “My buddy at work told me to watch this movie about Nazi zombies, he said it’s fucking scary as hell, let’s watch it on Halloween!”, said my friend. You know what? Fuck your co-worker and fuck this movie! This movie sucked so bad, if there were awards for the suckiest zombie movie in the snow, this would win hands down.

Here we have this Norwegian movie that’s supposed to be about WWII Nazis that turned into zombies back in the day (they don’t tell us how or why) and now they’re haunting these snowy mountains and killing anyone that dares step foot in that area. It starts off with some chick that’s headed to a cabin to meet up with her friends for a get-away but she’s being chased by something that we can’t see yet. Then they show her friends having a great time, they all love each other and love being together, life is beautiful, etc. What’s funny is this one fat guy that is such a retard, yet the hottest chick of the bunch has a huge crush on him! WTF.

(Read More…)